On Crossing Finish Lines...

So, I crossed an important finish line last weekend.  It was my college graduation:  I finally finished that degree that I began over 15 years ago. The one that I amassed way too many (250!) credits for at five different colleges. No, not the degree in Liberal Studies, Spanish, Intercultural Studies, or Exercise Physiology (yes, all majors I've had.)  The one in Social Sciences-- because that's the one that was available in a fully-online degree completion program.  That one.

I could tell you all the stories, about all the hang-ups, the bumps in the road.  There were so many.  It would be long and exhausting, though, so we'll skip them.  But after all of those problems and disappointments, it became this big thing for me-- the impossible goal.  Something that seemed so effortless for the average person had become unconquerable for me: a driven, intelligent person who is not afraid of working hard for what I want to accomplish.  Why couldn't I get it done?  There were absolutely ridiculous scenarious in the last couple of years, when I decided to finally finish my degree...  Final exams taken in hotel lobbies, from a hospital bed, on the road as we were staying in dozens of different places... I was going to school full time as we were setting up our life in Germany, as Jeff lost his job and we were packing up our life, moving from place to place, and sleeping in over 20 beds before we came here.  All of that and our final move to England threw me for such a loop that I took the year off.  And then I didn't want to start again, because I believed that I might actually have a curse on my educational goal, and I was afraid to start it again, lest something crazy happen to all of us.  I'm completely serious here, people.  It had totally unnerved me.  But it was killing me that I had invested so much over the years, and that I still hadn't crossed that finish line.  So I decided to start again, one last time, last fall.

And I finally finished.  My graduation ceremony for those in my class was held last Saturday at Portland State University.  I wished that I could have been there.  In fact, this was one of those times that was hardest for me to be away from "home" for.  I wanted to have a big party to celebrate, for the people who knew all of the struggles I had had in this endeavor to be able to witness that finish-line moment.  I actually spent a lot of the week leading up to that day pretty weepy, as I was still processing the fact that is was done and also mourning the absence of community to support me as I closed that chapter.

There was another difficult aspect, too.  I actually felt kind of embarrassed that I hadn't managed to finish my bachelor's degree until now.  I didn't think I could write about it here at first, because I felt kind of dumb.  This has been something that I've carried some shame about over the years-- my peers earned their masters degrees 10 years ago.  No one ever made me feel bad about it, but I did.  While I have skills and advanced training and experience in other areas, this was something I had always wanted and expected from myself.  But it's also the shame part of the experience that has actually compelled me to write about it here.  Because I know we all have things in our lives that have seemed impossible.  We all have finish lines that were crossed too quietly, without the recognition or celebration those personal victories deserved.  I want to share my triumph with you, even though it's not monumental.  It's very significant to me, though, and I could use a little camaraderie. And I want to encourage you to acknowledge and celebrate your personal milestones, as well!

Jeff and Amelia did a great job of celebrating me, and I am lucky to have them.  Jeff took me to a very cool venue for a genuinely awful lunch.  Then he and Amelia set up a little cake-and-champagne reception in our garden.


(Jeff watching the champagne cork sail over the fence into our neighbors' yard-- very gratifying.)

Would you be willing to share something you are really proud of accomplishing?  I would love to hear about it.  We'll have a little party here!

This post was shared at:  Thank Goodness it's Monday.

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