So, I get a lot of emails from readers, asking questions about how we got here. How did we get the job? How did we get up the mojo to move? What were the steps and logistics? Some people don't ask about how to move overseas; they just tell me I am living their dream. Their dream. This always gives me pause. I can answer lots of questions about what we did, and how we got here. But when someone tells me I'm living their dream, it throws me a little. My first instinct is to hope that I'm doing their dream justice. Then I wonder if it's my dream; and then I wonder what they are doing instead of living this dream of theirs that I am apparently inhabiting. Being a fairly introspective person, I then wonder how we get there... You know, to our dreams and goals. I actually have a history of having a very hard time reaching big goals. I think part of this is because I had the wrong ones, or didn't really believe the things I really wanted were relevant. I have often looked around and wondered how people got where they wanted to go.
Here's a little bit of my story: I would say that my approach to my future between high school and my late 20's was a blend of idealism and fatalism. The fact that I always wanted to do the right thing really confused everything for me, since I tended to believe that there was always one best way, and it had little to do with my personal desires and instincts. "Stepping into my purpose" was mostly a matter of finding my talents and making sure I made the most of them, as cheerfully as possible. This kind of thinking produced a weird mire of inertia for me, and everything was described in terms of should and ought, and it was heavy. The fatalistic outlook stated that what will be will be, and it was hard to figure anything out or make a definite move. Needless to say, there was not much joy there. (At all.) I didn't know that I had lots of choices! I didn't own the fact that this is my life, and that there lots of right (and fun) ways to do it. The feelings of obligation and resignation robbed me of over a decade of potential and fulfillment. It was hard to get anywhere, even though I believed that I had the potential to do a lot of interesting and exciting things.
Through a long and difficult process, I have been gradually getting in touch with my own dreams for my life (as opposed to the list of responsibilities I believed that I was born to fulfill.) Much of this has happened through pursuing my work as a massage therapist, but there have been a lot of other things along the way, too. One dream I had always had was to live overseas again. You can read more about that, and how we made it happen on my How We Got Here page. Originally, I had thought this would mean becoming a missionary. This was one of those obligations I felt the need to fill, and once I was (internally) released from having to do that, I believed that with the relief of not having to be a missionary, I also had to give up the authentic dream of living overseas. One thing I believe I have done well through the years is actually writing down the things I desire. In my early 20's, I wrote in my journal (and told many people) that I wanted to immigrate to Spain someday. Mind you, I had never been to Spain at that point, but I knew in my heart that I wanted to get there. And I did! We may not live there now, but we still may in the future. Also, dreams can evolve. Through our many transitions, Jeff and I have made a habit of writing down what we want-- for our family, for our home, for the kind of relationships we have, etc. This is one of the best things we've done, and has brought a lot of intention into the way we live.
And this brings me to the workbook, My Life Map
by Kate and David Marshall. I agreed to do a review for Blogher because of the people asking me how we got here. I'm really picky about the reviews I do, but I thought this could be a great tool for those of you trying to figure out how to make a change in your lives. As it turns out, this is also a big transition time for me, too. I will be reaching a very long-held goal in a couple of months-- getting the degree that has eluded me and sent me lots of work, drama and debt over the last 15 years. Now that I'm nearly there, I'm not sure exactly what's next. It's time to do some serious (and also light-hearted!) reflection and think about what I want (and don't want) in my life. I have been working through this workbook for the last week or so, and I'm thankful for it. It's taking a while, because there is a lot of reflection and analysis involved. It's definitely a process more than a solution. (And I'll let you know when I figure it all out!) The questions are really good. The authors help you sort various dimensions of your past that will help give you a sense of what has been good and positive, and the things that have been on the other end of the spectrum. Their philosophy makes sense, and I have lived it:
"If you develop and organize your thoughts into a visual picture of your hopes and dreams, you are not only more likely to actively work toward them, but you will also be better prepared to recognize and take advantage of unexpected opportunities that come along."
I honestly wish that I had gone through a process like this 15 years ago. There are a whole lot of things I would have done differently. I am very thankful for where I am at in life at this moment, yet I also feel a sense of loss over those years when I lacked direction and a sense of self, when I could have pursued any path in the world, but was burdened by obligation and didn't know that I had choices, or how to take hold of my own life. It's never too late, though. We can always stop and reassess. We can always dream a little (or a lot!) and I sincerely believe that we shouldn't stay in situations that suck us dry. We can make the changes necessary to live more lightly, and to bring the things we want into our lives. Resentment and disappointment make us ill. I think the My Life Map
workbook is a good tool, amongst many options, for identifying the things that stifle us, and for bringing to our awareness those which bring out our joy, sense of fulfillment and enthusiasm for life.
Where are you hoping to get to? Would you be wiling to share whether you have found your life's passion or purpose, and how you got there? I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
I also wanted to share this little video that you may have already seen. I loved it, and think it's really appropriate for our subject matter here!
(I am getting paid to write this post, but as always, my opinions here are 100% mine.)
PAID ENDORSEMENT DISCLOSURE: In order for me to support my blogging activities, I may receive monetary compensation or other types of remuneration for my endorsement, recommendation, testimonial and/or link to any products or services from this blog.
Here's a little bit of my story: I would say that my approach to my future between high school and my late 20's was a blend of idealism and fatalism. The fact that I always wanted to do the right thing really confused everything for me, since I tended to believe that there was always one best way, and it had little to do with my personal desires and instincts. "Stepping into my purpose" was mostly a matter of finding my talents and making sure I made the most of them, as cheerfully as possible. This kind of thinking produced a weird mire of inertia for me, and everything was described in terms of should and ought, and it was heavy. The fatalistic outlook stated that what will be will be, and it was hard to figure anything out or make a definite move. Needless to say, there was not much joy there. (At all.) I didn't know that I had lots of choices! I didn't own the fact that this is my life, and that there lots of right (and fun) ways to do it. The feelings of obligation and resignation robbed me of over a decade of potential and fulfillment. It was hard to get anywhere, even though I believed that I had the potential to do a lot of interesting and exciting things.
Through a long and difficult process, I have been gradually getting in touch with my own dreams for my life (as opposed to the list of responsibilities I believed that I was born to fulfill.) Much of this has happened through pursuing my work as a massage therapist, but there have been a lot of other things along the way, too. One dream I had always had was to live overseas again. You can read more about that, and how we made it happen on my How We Got Here page. Originally, I had thought this would mean becoming a missionary. This was one of those obligations I felt the need to fill, and once I was (internally) released from having to do that, I believed that with the relief of not having to be a missionary, I also had to give up the authentic dream of living overseas. One thing I believe I have done well through the years is actually writing down the things I desire. In my early 20's, I wrote in my journal (and told many people) that I wanted to immigrate to Spain someday. Mind you, I had never been to Spain at that point, but I knew in my heart that I wanted to get there. And I did! We may not live there now, but we still may in the future. Also, dreams can evolve. Through our many transitions, Jeff and I have made a habit of writing down what we want-- for our family, for our home, for the kind of relationships we have, etc. This is one of the best things we've done, and has brought a lot of intention into the way we live.
And this brings me to the workbook, My Life Map
by Kate and David Marshall. I agreed to do a review for Blogher because of the people asking me how we got here. I'm really picky about the reviews I do, but I thought this could be a great tool for those of you trying to figure out how to make a change in your lives. As it turns out, this is also a big transition time for me, too. I will be reaching a very long-held goal in a couple of months-- getting the degree that has eluded me and sent me lots of work, drama and debt over the last 15 years. Now that I'm nearly there, I'm not sure exactly what's next. It's time to do some serious (and also light-hearted!) reflection and think about what I want (and don't want) in my life. I have been working through this workbook for the last week or so, and I'm thankful for it. It's taking a while, because there is a lot of reflection and analysis involved. It's definitely a process more than a solution. (And I'll let you know when I figure it all out!) The questions are really good. The authors help you sort various dimensions of your past that will help give you a sense of what has been good and positive, and the things that have been on the other end of the spectrum. Their philosophy makes sense, and I have lived it:"If you develop and organize your thoughts into a visual picture of your hopes and dreams, you are not only more likely to actively work toward them, but you will also be better prepared to recognize and take advantage of unexpected opportunities that come along."
I honestly wish that I had gone through a process like this 15 years ago. There are a whole lot of things I would have done differently. I am very thankful for where I am at in life at this moment, yet I also feel a sense of loss over those years when I lacked direction and a sense of self, when I could have pursued any path in the world, but was burdened by obligation and didn't know that I had choices, or how to take hold of my own life. It's never too late, though. We can always stop and reassess. We can always dream a little (or a lot!) and I sincerely believe that we shouldn't stay in situations that suck us dry. We can make the changes necessary to live more lightly, and to bring the things we want into our lives. Resentment and disappointment make us ill. I think the My Life Map
workbook is a good tool, amongst many options, for identifying the things that stifle us, and for bringing to our awareness those which bring out our joy, sense of fulfillment and enthusiasm for life.Where are you hoping to get to? Would you be wiling to share whether you have found your life's passion or purpose, and how you got there? I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
I also wanted to share this little video that you may have already seen. I loved it, and think it's really appropriate for our subject matter here!
(I am getting paid to write this post, but as always, my opinions here are 100% mine.)
PAID ENDORSEMENT DISCLOSURE: In order for me to support my blogging activities, I may receive monetary compensation or other types of remuneration for my endorsement, recommendation, testimonial and/or link to any products or services from this blog.
Ariana, I really appreciate your thoughts on this subject. When I decided to do hair over 12 years ago I realized that it was what I was supposed to do. It was the most satisfying feeling to do what I loved! Ever since then I have been passionate about others doing what they love too! I actually believe that God LOVES when we find our true creative purpose and self because that is who He created us to BE! There can be so much confusion in the "I have to do this because it is what I SHOULD do" as opposed to I get to do this because it is what I was created to do. We actually have all the freedom in the world to grow, learn, evolve and become. I am so thankful for this freedom and glad that you are on the path of freedom and discovery. I know that God made you to be an extremely empathetic, creative, emotionally complex person. You love beauty and people and this interesting world. Yay for good things! Yay for freedom! Yay for joy!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you, Gretchen, and am so glad you found the kind of work that brings you joy and fulfillment! Part of my struggles is that I just love doing so many different things that it's really hard to narrow it down to the thing that I want the most to do. Actually, I'd love a job that involved just trying new things. That's a little bit what my blog is about, actually-- now it make it pay! :)
DeleteI am still figuring out what I want out of life. In the meantime I'm tinkering with this idea and that, but I really don't know what I want to do. There are so many choices, all with their own set of challenges and limitations - it's exhausting!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you finally realized what you could do and I hope you fearlessly pursue your deepest-held dreams! Sending best wishes your way...
Thank you, Amanda, for all the good wishes. I know what you mean about having a hard time narrowing it down to THE THING you want to pour your heart into. One great gauge for me in this process is connecting with how even just thinking about an idea makes me feel-- do I get kind of tired/ overwhelmed or tense, or do I get excited and energized when I imagine doing that? I do get excited about doing a lot of things, so it still makes it hard. I am hoping that working through the rest of the book will shed some light.
DeleteAnd I wish you well as you figure it all out, too!
I have been on a journey these past few months, one that I truly feel the Universe has set me upon. I am working really hard at getting into school to become Nutritional Therapy Practitioner.Which something I did not really realize was a profession until this past summer when I came across a link to a school offering training in this.I have never been so excited about something ever.I have spent the past 4 years trying to learn this kind of stuff on my own to benefit my family with an eye on the fact that our older son and I have Crohns. A good diet has changed our lives and the very idea that I could do that for others was heart stopping.
ReplyDeleteThen I started talking to people about how I wanted to do this and every single person has been so positive and telling me "Do it!,that will be perfect for you." And the part that really makes me believe the Universe is nudging me is I have two jobs waiting for me once I finish school.
My heart and soul are set on this path,now to find the funds to do it!
I have also been working on letting go of those "should" things,that's a ton of work.And working on living the story of my life that I have written for myself not the one my Mother has written for me.I try to just take deep breaths and let it all go when I get slammed in the face with all of it.
I sometimes feel like a late bloomer.I spent the past many years dealing with my son's health and my own,which consumed every ounce of everything but now that we are strong and steady it is time to live and dream.I choose to dare greatly! You never know until to you try is one of my favorite thoughts currently.
Thanks so much for sharing your story with us here, Rois. I am super excited for you, that you have found your path and have so much passion to become an NTP. We need more of you out there, for sure, and I am sure you will be able to help a lot of people.
DeleteYour wording of living a story that someone else wrote for you really resonates with me. I always worked so hard to do everything right according to someone else's cultural opinion of what would give me value. I lament that I took this script way too far into my life before realizing it wasn't mine! But it's never too late to be brave, be present, and make changes. So excited for you!
Thanks for this post! I have thought about this a lot. It's definitely something I struggled with after college, and every once in a while, I still wonder what path I'm on and what I really want to do and how to get there. The problem for me is that I feel like I have such conflicting desires. I'm glad you linked to that book... I decided to give it a try. I often try to write out my thoughts and goals, but maybe something more guided will help direct them.
ReplyDeleteHi Katie! I am so glad you are going to give the book a shot-- I'd love to hear how that plays out for you. I am still working through it, I am planning to finish the writing process by then end of the month and can hopefully head into the new year with some good insight. I hear you on conflicting desires, too. I am struggling with wanting to go to grad school, and also knowing that I have a lot of freedom at this point in time,and being a full-time student takes a lot of that away, and also exacts a price from my family. I hope you (and I) can get some clarity!
DeleteLoved your post. Though the path to living our dream has been bumpy, it has been well worth it. I am in love with everyday that I live here in our community on this Island. I can honestly look around me and say, "This is IT, we are doing it!" and I am filled with joy and satisfaction that I made it happen by just putting my foot down and saying, " I want my dream life now, not later." Thanks for sharing and I am excited to use the book and find out what is next for us.
ReplyDeleteJoy, it makes me really, really happy to here that you have arrived, and that you are experiencing so much joy and satisfaction. I know that for us, moving away and having an adventure was a huge turning point for our personal lives, totally worth the sacrifices and drama along the way. It's hard to believe how little we used to do with our days in Portland, and there is no comparison, in terms of quality of life! I'm not talking about material things, either-- it's loving how and where we are living, and being able to see life around us in a different light. I will also look forward to hearing how you process through the book!
DeleteI'm so glad you wrote this post! I can relate so deeply to what you are talking about here. The comment you made where it was difficult to figure anything out or make a definitive move - well that has pretty much been most of my adult life. Also where you said "It was hard to get anywhere, even though I believed I had the potential to do a lot of interesting and exciting things." That really resonates for me very deeply. I have struggled with this all my life. I have a deep sense of having something inside me, something wonderful to share with the world. Something from deep inside of myself. Yet I have struggled to pinpoint what it is and I have stagnated in many ways as a result. For me it became a matter of - if couldn't figure out what that deeper calling was then how could I do anything else? It might hinder me from finding that path I was supposed to be on. And for me that meant I never got anywhere real or substantial And I hate to say this but I am still really struggling with this. I haven't come quite as far as you in getting in touch with my dreams. One of which is definitely to live in Europe. And I have no idea how to make it happen and that frustrates me. And I think to myself - you are a smart a clever person - if all these other people can figure out a way surely you can too Marisa! And then I feel even more down on myself and more frustrated when I don't get it figured out. But I am trying. I'm making the effort to try new things and am reaching out looking for opportunities. I'm trying to put myself out there in the hopes of opening myself up to opportunity. I'm also back to pursuing a career I was excited about in my mid 20s but gave up on when things didn't happen for me quickly and easily. So that is exciting for me. It is the type of work that makes me feel as if I've come alive. So hoping very much something will work out. But I really love your idea of writing everything down. I think that is a really marvelous idea and something i haven't done much of at all over the years. I think I'm going to give it a try though. And thank you for the book review. That looks like a super useful guide. I'm going to look into getting it. Thanks again for another enlightening post Ariana - you always get me thinking.
ReplyDeleteMarisa, I always love reading your responses. This is one of the main reasons I like to blog-- to engage with other people and have these conversations. I think I really can identify with you-- I have SO many things that I'm interested in and feel that I could be successful at, that it's kind of paralyzing. I have a super long list of ideal scenarios for myself, and business ventures I'd love to undertake. There are the more superficially fun ones-- having a gourmet food shop-- and then the serious ones, like becoming a therapist, combining bodywork and psychology to really help people release their issues from their minds and bodies. Sigh... So much to possibly do, and I feel that life is too short. I wish you well as you work through what you want to do. And do you mind sharing what this type of work that has given you such energy in the past is? I am excited for you, and curious!
DeleteThis is a great post and exactly wheat I need right now. As a trailing spouse who isn't allowed to work due to visa restrictions and being that my kids in school all day, I have all the time in the world to pursue my dreams. I no longer have the excuse that I don't have the time. But somehow all that freedom and the endless possibilities intimidates me, and I don't know where to start. When you asked "Where are you hoping to get to?" at the end of your post, it really struck me. I want to get to a million different places, and as I result I get nowhere. I guess I need to focus on one goal at a time if I want to get anywhere at all!
ReplyDeleteI hear you, completely! I am in a similar situation, with my daughter in school most of the day. Work is possible for me, but a little more complicated with being an expat. Do I just keep going to school this whole time? There are so many options out there, and it's just hard to pick one! I am considering taking a year to really work it out (focusing on art as I process) but I can be a little scattered and wonder if I can even stick to that! Thanks for sharing, and I will really look forward to hearing what you decide to pursue!
DeleteI loved this post and outboundmom's comment resonated deeply with where I was a few years ago - in a position where I couldn't work because of work restrictions as well. As I look back on that time there are so many things I miss! Life had more simplicity and long cups of coffee and talks with friends in my expat world were the norm. I read a book written by an expat at that time, I don't even know if it's still in print, but two things resonated. She asked two questions: One was "Where are you going" and the second was "Who do you want to like you when you're 80?" I've kept those in my mind because they go hand in hand. And the who do you want to like you question helps me every time I am thinking about what's next. Thanks to Ariana for the good read and outboundmom for the comment :)
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